What Should Josh Do Next?

Hey guys,

It's come to my attn that Josh is regretting his role in Ace Ventura 3: Ace Ventura Jr. I know we're sad about this and concerned about Flitty's mental state, so I figured I'd take it up with all da Freaks out there. What should Josh do next? We gotta get him out of this funk, y'all.

So direct your eyes to the poll across the way and get voting on Josh's next project. Would you like to see JF do King Ralph II? Or maybe a Brokeback sequel with Josh as a chunky farm-hand who feels funny in the pants when his cousin Brody shears sheep in the buff. Script is in the works...

Happy Birthday Josh!!

OMGZ! Didn't you hear? It was Josh's birthday on Monday! Sorry I didn't blog it then, y'all. I was camped out by the phone in case Flitterelli decided to call me for a chat. And Tuesday I was in hospital for bladder spasms as a result of not leaving my post next to the Flitter Fone.

Anyway, if you've got any birthday messages for JF, send them through! I'll be passing them along to him when I do my weekly post to him. Last week I sent him a roasted boar. I bet he luvvvved it! HEE HEH!

Happy Birthday you little sack of sugar! I made you a card.

Inside Josh's House. It Should've Been Me

Fucking bitch.

Flitter Vs Breslin #2

Shit. Look at this. Spencer Breslin goes bald for the new kids comedy Harold. It should have been Flitter!! GAHH!

You just wait until Flitter's death blow in the inevitable Jumanji 2: The Return Of The 'Manji! Just wait!

AVJ In Your Ear(s)

With the juggernaut that is Ace Ventura Junior picking up steam ahead of its budget bin release early next year, it's prime time to consider some of the other intricacies involved in putting together this multi-layered masterpiece. I want to throw open the topic of who the producers should get to score Ace Ventura Junior. A great score is essential and here are some great ideas I've thought could really bring this pet-crime caper to life on screen.

The RZA


He supposedly has a great 'fart tone' preset on his Roland sampler.

Journey

Sure they broke up, but they would really make something anthemic and weighty for the movie. And we know that the Flitter-Bomb is exactly that.

Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band
'nuff said.

B*Witched


Nothing says zoological comedy like Rollercoaster. In fact it screams it.

The Guy Who Wrote Tubthumping


Could we possibly get a re-record of that and change the words to 'he eats a ham roll, he eatsn a bacon roll, he eats a sausage roll, he eats a chicken whole'? Jus' sayin'.

New Flitter Freaks Segment: Josh With Animals

Our sizeable stud, Josh Flitter really loves animals. Like, something chronic. I don't know where the obsession comes from, but maybe it's just Josh's way of making up for losing out on a spot in the Shaggy Dog to that damn Spencer Breslin. It should've been Flitter's!

But no matter, Flitter's got more than enough four-legged pals to accompany him on many clunky Tim Allen-esque capers! Let's take a look at some of them in a little segment we like to call Flitter's Fury Friends: Josh With Animals.

[Josh with 'Ace Mutt' (the dog)]

[Josh with 'Mr. Fluffy Bum']

[Josh with 'Trixxy Licks']

[Josh with 'Ocean McCuddles III']

[Josh with 'Dinner']

Flitter: Hero or Villain?

Many Flitter Freaks out there have been ringing and writing in to this humble blog with confused hearts. They've just seen this frankly disturbing image of Flitter kicking what appears to be an infant in the head.
Here's a sample email from our dear reader Bernice (aka Flitter Freak #31).

"Hi Head Freak,

I woke up today with Josh on the brain. He was the first thing I saw (since I've just mounted that JF blow-up glamour shot on my bedroom roof), he was the first thing I touched (Josh Flitter Ltd Edition hair brush - with pure camel hair), and he was the first thing I ate (I'm still holding onto those cartons of discontinued JF's cereal 'Flitter-Os'). But I was shocked to see this image pop up in my inbox this morning! What does it mean? Did Josh really kick a baby? What's happened to my hero?

Help me.

Flitter Freak #31"

I don't blame Bernice for her frantic mood, this was a difficult image to look at. But thankfully I have good news! For all of us out there who model ourselves on Josh Flitter we need not start pummelling every baby we see, no, apparently it was a doll. Phew! Allegedly, Josh got a bad vibe from the doll on the set of License To Wed, this was confirmed when Flitterelli then saw the aforementioned 'doll' staring, wide-eyed at the buffet table specifically reserved for our hungry hunk. Bitch deserved it.

Rest easy guys, our Josh is still a hero.