I've been doing my usual Flitter watch, which involves hacking his MacBook's iSight and watching him Skype chat with Shia on the set of Transformers too (sadly, Shia was unable to convince Michael "Dickface" Bay to give ol' JF a role as Burgertron), but in my (hot) pursuit of Flitter-deets I've come across something confusing and plainly frightening. Guyz, I'm concerned that Joshy might've fallen in with a rather shady crowd. Look at this snap I borrowed from his Harddrive.
No your eyes don't lie! There is so much wrong with this picture. For starters, that's a medium thick shake in Josh's hands, not the Double XL Bladder-Buster he's usually found with. And it also shows Josh hanging ten with a rag-tag band of urban pirates. The worst kind of pirates. Who knows what kind of mess these concrete crawling marauders have gotten Josh into. For all we know Josh and this posse could've been robbing costume shops all over the city and making soccer mums walk the plank. Sure the plank would be flat on the ground but I'd still be worried about the spate of rolled ankles which resulted from this kind of rough-housing.
Josh, I know you're gunning for that Waterworld sequel just as much as the rest of us, but this is not the way to make it happen.
I beg you, come back to us.
Come back to me.
Dave (Freak #1.)