Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ace Rides Again!

Ladies, gentlemen, Flitter-lovers all. I apologise from the depths of my soul for the lack of activity on this site. I know you've hungered for more JF-lovin', as we all have these past moons, but I am back to assure you that the drought is over. OVAH! Ace Ventura 3 (AVJ) is upon us. We all felt the sting when we found out that it wasn't hitting theatres, and then other blow when it missed out on any Oscar noms, but there is good news, the DVD will be out March 3rd, and in a deluxe, double disc package no less. Who knows what kind of Flitter-branded treasures we'll find on the bonus disc! Perhaps a sing-along-with-Ace featurette! I'm hankering to see the long lost footage of Josh's audition where he reportedly stripped naked and wrestled a shetland pony in mud, thinking this would secure the role for Jim Carrey's spawn. I've got insiders at the DVD pressing factory in New Mexico which Warner Bros. shares with Low Ball's Beef And Yak Scraps n' Offcuts Emporium who will hopefully get me a copy of the DVD asap. More when we have it.

Keep the faith,

Dave (Head Freak)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Accolades, Accolades, Accolades. The Flitternaut Rolls On!

Pardon my slackness on this one my fellow Freaks! For some reason I forgot to post about this a while back when Josh picked up another CAMIE award! This gong for Nancy Drew was Josh's second consecutive gong and for those who don't know the CAMIE's celebrate outstanding, uplifting films emphasizing character and morality.

While we can't get a new Evan Almighty film every year, we can count on Josh Flitter finding the best and most unrelentingly conservative scripts in the game!

Pollsters are already giving favourable odds for Flitter to take out next year's CAMIE's with Ace Ventura Junior (AVJ). I'm predicting a clean sweep, including best actor/crusader of the light, best unnecessary sequel, best on-screen fart, best anti-muslim overtones.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Josh's New Squeeze...WHO IS SHE??

Hollywood is actually ablaze with gossip about Josh Flitter. This past week he's been cavorting about town in usual JF style; a 40-Ouncer in one hand, shotgun on his back, out of his mind on Lucky Charms, generally being a Hollywood bad-boy and getting in a few rounds of strip-miniature golf with Gary Busey. 

But what's really got people talking is Josh's company, a mystery girl always by his side, holding his bottle, holding his strap, and holding his jockstrap after Gary sinks a birdie at the Windmill hole. Flitter Freaks' sources in LA managed to smuggle us an exclusive snap of Josh with this new "girl" after they caught an early morning session of Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Now I'm not one to stand in the way of Josh's happiness, indeed, when I crashed the set of Nancy Drew I swiftly moved to the left of the breakfast buffet as Josh arrived on set. But I'm just a concerned fan voicing my concern at the somewhat concerning union of these two. She's much taller than him after all. And you know what they say about tall girls...they're hard to shop for. I've only got Flitzy's best interests at heart. Don't you ever break his heart nameless girl. I will crush you.

Monday, September 29, 2008

For All The Freaks...

Fear not Freaks. Everything is fine in the world of Flitter. I'm just in Hollywood at the moment, on the set of the new E! True Hollywood Stories: The Josh Flitter Saga (Sex, Pies and Date Rape). Should be a ripper of a half hour of Infotainment!

We must never lose hope, we must never lose sight of our dreams. We must never lose weight.
- Josh Flitter

Sunday, September 14, 2008

What Will You Be Wearing Down The Hawaiian Carpet?

Like any blockbuster premiere, Ace Ventura Junior's debut is going to be a star-studded affair with the world's eyes watching what everyone's wearing on the big night. So all us Flitter Freaks better get our 'drobe planned out now! Obvi we'll need to stick to the strict Hawaiian-Shirt only dress-code, so I've picked out some of the best shirts on offer at Thanks guyz!
A sturdy, basic Hawaiian shirt. And it doubles as a camoflauge if you're standing next to leaves. Nice, eh?

I like this one the most becuase it reminds me of Hawaii. I've never been there but I'm a big supporter of ethnic stereotypes y'know.

You a bit quirky? Want to wear a Hawaiian shirt but don't want to look like everyone else with a loose fitting shirt emblazoned with prints of flowers/surfboards/beaches/palm trees? Well Mr Fashion Honkey, this is the one for you. Get this, it's got cars and chicks on it. I think it's a replica of the Gucci designed shirt that George Clooney wore to Cannes.

This one is simple yet effective at making you look dumb. Easy!

I hope that helps guys. We've gotta be there for Flitter, wearing our Friday bests! I know it's a big deal to all of us, so let's just try and take some inspiration from another fullsome fashionista, Ryan Maloney aka Jarrod 'Toadfish' Vincenzo Ribecchi. He dresses himself you know. It's a clause in his contract. No wonder Steph Scully put out for him.

Breaking News! New AVJ On Set Pix

Oh boy oh boy! Our little hefty heartthrob, Josh Flitter, has struck again. This time taking out my jaw, which has just smashed to pieces on the floor as I pour over these new snaps from behind the scenes of Ace Ventura Junior. Gaze in awe people!

That's some vintage Flitter right there. So smooth. So pale. So good.

I can only speculate as to whether this is Ace Ventura Senior Senior or an unidentified geriatric to be harvested for Josh's catering requirements. Mmm, tastes Soylent Greeny!

Those piercing green eyes, that creepy, tattered 'Ace Wave', definitely a Ventura progeny. It certainly brings into question how literally Ace Snr. heard his 'Call Of The Wild'. You were thinking it.

So y'all wanna do a midnight camp out in front of Chatswood Blockbuster come January '09?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Many Moods Of Josh Flitter Vol. XXVI: Feelin' Nautical (Turbulent Times In Flitter Valley)

I've been doing my usual Flitter watch, which involves hacking his MacBook's iSight and watching him Skype chat with Shia on the set of Transformers too (sadly, Shia was unable to convince Michael "Dickface" Bay to give ol' JF a role as Burgertron), but in my (hot) pursuit of Flitter-deets I've come across something confusing and plainly frightening. Guyz, I'm concerned that Joshy might've fallen in with a rather shady crowd. Look at this snap I borrowed from his Harddrive.
No your eyes don't lie! There is so much wrong with this picture. For starters, that's a medium thick shake in Josh's hands, not the Double XL Bladder-Buster he's usually found with. And it also shows Josh hanging ten with a rag-tag band of urban pirates. The worst kind of pirates. Who knows what kind of mess these concrete crawling marauders have gotten Josh into. For all we know Josh and this posse could've been robbing costume shops all over the city and making soccer mums walk the plank. Sure the plank would be flat on the ground but I'd still be worried about the spate of rolled ankles which resulted from this kind of rough-housing.

Josh, I know you're gunning for that Waterworld sequel just as much as the rest of us, but this is not the way to make it happen.

I beg you, come back to us.

Come back to me.

Yours 4eva,

Dave (Freak #1.)